
I dyed my hair today.
It was the highlight of the week.

I dyed my hair today.
It was the highlight of the week.

If you deceive people about your lack of hair,
there will be hell toupee.

You can’t escape being a peasant
because resistance is feudal.

Jewish New Year:
Shofar, so good.
Happy Rosh Hashannah!

I typically avoid funerals
because I’m not a mourning person.

Don’t believe what you hear about fleas and ticks
it’s all lice!

The thought of losing the pandas
is just unbearable.

I would’ve kept sewing,
but I was exhausted and ran out of steam.

I was in court today with the airline over missing luggage.
They lost the case.

My doctor told me to cut down on sodium,
but I’m taking his advice with a pinch of salt.