joke - TearablePuns

The soldier who survived mustard gas

The soldier, who survived mustard gas

The soldier, who survived mustard gas
and pepper spray, is now a seasoned veteran.

Definition of a Will:
It’s a dead giveaway.

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I was sad when my brand-new feather pillow split.
I was feeling down-in-the-mouth for a week.

I should have been sad when the batteries in my flashlight went dead,
but I was delighted.

Carpe dime:
Seize the coin.

I've always wanted to hand out carts at Walmart.

I’ve always wanted to hand out carts at Walmart.
I can’t imagine a greeter job.

I couldn't wait for the story-tellers conference

I couldn’t wait for the story-tellers conference.
Exciting to hear the lore of the crowd.

My girlfriend always gets her way
by pretending she’s sad. She’s an expert in sighcology.

My car was once hit by a truck.

My car was once hit by a truck.
I wasn’t hurt but I got the freight of my life.